Worth

I sit here in my quiet house grateful , but a little lonely. My two oldest kids are at play practice. Kristin (16) and Alex (14) will be performing in "High School Musical" with a local theater. I am so excited for them, but they are gone many nights during the week. My two youngest, Maddy (9) and Chase (8), are outside on this glorious albeit muggy May evening playing with numerous friends, you can be sure. Tough life they have, huh? My husband, Kevin (no age given :), is away on business. Sooo, it's kinda quiet. I don't like it. Not even a little. The quiet is much louder than the noise. The quiet gives my thoughts room to be heard. Isn't that why we stay so busy? So that we don't have to face our thoughts? What are your thoughts? Have you heard them lately? Often my thoughts are full of self recriminations about all the things I should have done or should be doing. I came ear to heart this last weekend. That's kinda like face to face except much more honest. When you come "ear to heart", it means you are listening to what your heart is saying and not what your head is saying. It kinda hurts but it also heals. I've been a stay at home mom since before my oldest was born. That was 17 years ago this next month. What else am I? I don't have a "job", or a portfolio, or a resume, or even a marketable asset. To put it plainly, if I were a house there wouldn't be much equity in me! But I realized in my "ear to heart" epiphany, that my worth is not in who I am, but who He has made me to be. You see, I will always be a mom to my 4 precious kids (whether they claim me or not). I will always be a wife to my sweet Kevin as long as the Lord allows. But my time of hearing the kids run through the house calling my name, asking for something else to eat yet again is quickly drawing to a close. I have more quiet time than noisy time now. I can sit for a length of time and actually not have to get up. I can even take a complete shower without having an indepth conversation with whoever happens to be on the other side of the curtain. I wish somebody would call my name. I would love to sing "Hush Little Baby" to soothe fears one more time. But you see, all of those memories and experiences were gifts. My children were gifts. My husband is a gift, but my Jesus is my worth. I have never received a gift at Christmas or my birthday that determined what my worth was. These gifts from my heavenly Father do not determine my worth to Him. They are just gifts of His love for me. My worth was determined the day He gave me His Son. So for all of you who question whether or not you have any worth, don't look at your circumstances. Look at His ultimate Gift to you and decide if you have worth.

In His Grace and Mercy...