Worth

I sit here in my quiet house grateful , but a little lonely. My two oldest kids are at play practice. Kristin (16) and Alex (14) will be performing in "High School Musical" with a local theater. I am so excited for them, but they are gone many nights during the week. My two youngest, Maddy (9) and Chase (8), are outside on this glorious albeit muggy May evening playing with numerous friends, you can be sure. Tough life they have, huh? My husband, Kevin (no age given :), is away on business. Sooo, it's kinda quiet. I don't like it. Not even a little. The quiet is much louder than the noise. The quiet gives my thoughts room to be heard. Isn't that why we stay so busy? So that we don't have to face our thoughts? What are your thoughts? Have you heard them lately? Often my thoughts are full of self recriminations about all the things I should have done or should be doing. I came ear to heart this last weekend. That's kinda like face to face except much more honest. When you come "ear to heart", it means you are listening to what your heart is saying and not what your head is saying. It kinda hurts but it also heals. I've been a stay at home mom since before my oldest was born. That was 17 years ago this next month. What else am I? I don't have a "job", or a portfolio, or a resume, or even a marketable asset. To put it plainly, if I were a house there wouldn't be much equity in me! But I realized in my "ear to heart" epiphany, that my worth is not in who I am, but who He has made me to be. You see, I will always be a mom to my 4 precious kids (whether they claim me or not). I will always be a wife to my sweet Kevin as long as the Lord allows. But my time of hearing the kids run through the house calling my name, asking for something else to eat yet again is quickly drawing to a close. I have more quiet time than noisy time now. I can sit for a length of time and actually not have to get up. I can even take a complete shower without having an indepth conversation with whoever happens to be on the other side of the curtain. I wish somebody would call my name. I would love to sing "Hush Little Baby" to soothe fears one more time. But you see, all of those memories and experiences were gifts. My children were gifts. My husband is a gift, but my Jesus is my worth. I have never received a gift at Christmas or my birthday that determined what my worth was. These gifts from my heavenly Father do not determine my worth to Him. They are just gifts of His love for me. My worth was determined the day He gave me His Son. So for all of you who question whether or not you have any worth, don't look at your circumstances. Look at His ultimate Gift to you and decide if you have worth.

In His Grace and Mercy...

Confession

My sweet baby Chase!

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be able to react correctly every time? Isn't that an odd thought? To know that no matter what came my way, I would be able to react in a righteous way. To react in a way that would honor God every time. Wouldn't that be amazing?! Just recently my youngest child, Chase, who is 8yrs. old, has gone through a period when he felt the need to confess everything from picking his nose to where he was in his thought life regarding "specific" words, and his thoughts concerning me when he was in trouble (I have to tell you, they weren't pretty). I thought we were past this blessed time until he started confessing everything to me again just in the last week. When I say everything, I'm not kidding. My friends, April and Bobby, know to what lengths my Chase will go to clear his conscience. Just tonight, he "confessed" to me that he felt guilty about putting chips on his sandwich at lunch today. You see there is a rule at his school that you can't play with your food. He was afraid that he was breaking that rule. And yet he still chose to do it. I asked him why he feels the need to confess all sin to me, and he said something profound that only a child of 8 could grasp. He said, "It just makes my heart feel better." How many times have I confessed to Jesus areas I thought I had really messed up? How many times was my reason to "make my heart feel better"? Instead, what if I confessed in order to change my heart, not just make it feel better. Would that change lead to different reactions? Would that change allow me to react in a righteous way, when things go wrong? John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." So if we confess, the unrighteousness will be washed away which leaves us with the ability to react in a righteous way. Sounds like grace to me. Maybe that is what I need to tell Chase. Maybe I need to tell him a little more about grace and that it is not just his sister's middle name. Hmm, I guess it just might be possible to react righteously.

In His Grace and Mercy...

Whew!

What a day, week, month. Take your pick. It all seemed to be a grand struggle. Doesn't it seem that when God is blessing so greatly, Satan just has to come up and ruin it. It's like a spoiled kid who can't stand that your sand castle is bigger than his, and he just runs over and knocks it over. Many of you know and some of you don't that we are in the middle of praying through a ministry change. We have seen God's hand move so obviously in the last couple of months. It has truly been one of the most exciting times of my life, and yet so many things have happened to take our focus off of where we need to be. It's all been doable up until Sunday. You know what I mean by "doable".. (in my own power, by myself, without help). Any one of those things will do. I have a great "I can fix it myself" attitude with those lovely doable things in my life. But I really stink at "Lord, please fix it the way you want to" attitude. We were doing what we were supposed to be doing Sunday, We were going to church. We were even sitting in the turning lane to enter the parking lot at church. And then time slowed way down to an almost imperceptible crawl when we saw what was coming. There is something surreal about seeing another car coming straight for you. How do you fix that? How do I put that one in my "doable" file? Not possible. I knew when I heard my husband yell out loud, "STOP!!!" that this one was definitley out of my hands. But for some reason I did not have the clarity of mind to sing out "Jesus take the wheel". All I could do was pray for the next breath. Beg God for the safety of my children who were sitting in the back seats of our minivan. Hope that it would all be over soon. It was. By the time the dust and glass and plastic settled, there were three cars that had to be towed away. Two ambulances, two firetrucks, and three police cars later we were all astounded that no one was even hurt. Sore, but not hurt. Praise His name. It looked like a deadly accident, but by God's grace we all walked away shaky maybe but walking nontheless. I think I have redefined the word "doable" in my vocabulary now. Doable doesn't mean in my own power now. It means that in my own power I will choose to use His power.

In His Grace and Mercy.....