Have you ever wondered if there are times when God just doesn't know what to do with us? I know that He is God and is perfect, but in my finite, human brain I just have to wonder if He ever just shakes His head and says "Why didn't I stop with the animals?" As a parent, I know (albeit in a very miniscule way) how God feels about His children. He desperately loves us to distraction as I do my children. But tonight I found myself staring at my kids completely clueless as to what I needed to do next. They had just broken one of the Ten Commandments of the law of Hochstetler (Thou shalt not scream at thy siblings and call down all manner of curses on their heads). Yea, that one! (I know that there are those of you whose children would never dare speak an unkind word to their sibling, so this is just for us loser parents, okay?) I called a family meeting which consisted of me sitting on my bed facing them as they lined up against the wall. All manner of words and phrases and examples and motherly verbage were flying around in my head just waiting to be flung at my children who sat staring at me as if to say, "what big word is she going to use this time, and whose turn is it to look it up?" I prepared to launch a verbal attack that would leave them begging for mercy when it suddenly hit me. I had absolutely nothing to say. And I was sad. I was sad because I was disappointed. I was disappointed that they had felt the need to hurt each other with words and had counted the cost to be worth it. I was sad that maybe they had learned it from me. I was truly clueless on what consequence would be necessary to get them to understand the irreparable damage that is caused by words that we hurl at each other. Is that how He feels when we hurt each other? Sad? If I truly saw you as God's child, would I treat you differently? If my children truly knew how I felt about them, would they hurt each other knowing the pain it would cause me? Matthew 22:37-39 says, "He said to him, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and most important commandment. The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself." Enough said!

In His Grace and Mercy

Did you know that a chocolate chocolate chip muffin is not very good for you at 10:00 at night? Did you know that it goes straight to your butt? Did you know that at this very moment I could care less and just inhaled the second one in as many minutes? And I even had 2 glasses of milk and it was 2% (not skim). 2 seems to be my lucky number this evening. I believe I am sportin' a bit of an attitude tonight. Maybe it's because I am so blessed tired that I can't see straight. Maybe it's because that in the past 24 hrs.I drove home from Louisville, kissed my husband goodbye again (business trip) til Thursday, had family here til midnight (completely enjoyed it and wished they could have stayed), cleaned a house (not mine), dealt with two (there's that number again) sick children, mowed the lawn (just meant to pull weeds), and felt guilty because my 16 yr. old went to work and I didn't get to watch the promised movie with my 8 yr. old. Maybe that's why I'm a little "irritable" tonight. June Cleaver better stay far away this night! Not in the mood for the Prov. 31 woman, not in the least. But you know what? I have a feeling I am not alone. I think I just heard an "Amen, sister!" We are tired, aren't we? We are tired of doing it all. I try very hard to be real in this blog. So may I ask an extremely profound question? Who asked you to do it all? Who asked you to be June Cleaver or the Proverbs 31 woman? Did you know that Proverbs 31 is just a guide to what the perfect woman would be. I don't know if you have read scripture lately, but it is full of very imperfect people God used to change the world for Him. He used a murderer to lead His people out of Egypt. He used an adulterer to lead His people and even called him a "man after His own heart." There is even a harlot in the lineage of God's own Son, Jesus Christ. So why do we feel such guilt and weariness when we can't finish it all? Is it as easy as changing my attitude about me? You know, I had the best time in Louisville with my family, and I have a husband who loves me and God has blessed with a great job! I get to stay home with sick children and hopefully there will be a tomorrow to watch the movie with my sweet boy. Maybe I am blessed (pronounced bless-ed for you Yankees) tired, but I am also very blessed. Except for that 2nd chocolate chocolate chip muffin that has now found it's home in my ever widening butt!

In His Grace and Mercy...

Let it rain!

I have never heard such a racquet in my life! And I am not even talking about my kids! I have to say it was just a little freaky. The noise was so loud and so prevalent that I literally stopped in my tracks with mouth hanging open (which I know is a favorite stance of mine) and just stood there listening! It was as if all of creation was in my backyard and they had all let forth with one kind of noise or another! I don't know if I have ever heard birds sing so loudly or squirrels chatter so feverishly! Do worms make noise, because I think they were talking too! Why were they all voicing their opinions in such a pandomonious way? Quite simply, it had rained. It has been so hot and so dry and so miserable here in Murfreesboro! We have not seen this kind of drought in many years. Then it rained. Have I ever heard praise in such pure fashion? Have I ever praised my heavenly Father with such fervor? Now I know many of you are thinking, "Come on Shellie. They are just animals!" Psalms 150:6 says,"Let everything that has breath praise the Lord!" Well, these little ones had breath enough to sing out their praise to Him for the precious life sustaining water He had given to them on this hot summer day. It puts me to shame when I think of the times I had opportunity to worship our Creator, and I was more concerned about what the people around me were thinking than if my Jesus was pleased with my worship. Do I even take advantage of the simple things to remember to praise Him. It is easy to worship when He has done great things in our life. But do we praise Him in the rain? Do we praise Him in the storm? Can He even hear us above the birds and squirrels?

I think it's time for a little rain!

In His Grace and Mercy

This is Kristin(right) with her friend Lindsey(left)

Don't you get tired of hearing other people talk about their children, extoling the wonderful virtues that you know just can't be true? May I just take a few moments to brag, extol if you will? I couldn't be prouder of my daughter, Kristin. You see, she is on a mission trip this week to a camp in Missouri called Camp Barnabas. It is a camp for special needs children. Kristin is a counselor this week. She is with a little girl that she takes care of 24/7 that is high functioning autistc. Kristin has a huge heart for special needs kids! But I think this has been harder than she thought it would be. You see, Kristin has only ever been responsible for Kristin. God is stretching my baby girl. He has asked her to not only step out of her comfort zone, but also to rely on Him alone. It astounds me that I have such a sweet hearted daughter, but I am understanding that it took just as much courage as anything. Like most teenagers, Kristin hates to be outside of her world of "Kristin". That world consists of Lindsey, and Lana, and play practice, and texting her numerous other friends, and church, and on, and on, and on. But this week, Kristin stepped so far outside of her "bubble" that it required courage from somewhere other than herself. She has had to rely on her Lord, because He is literally the only one she knows at this camp. I don't know about you, but when God asks me to trust Him with my comfort zone, I get very nervous. Why? Because maybe I'm not as brave as I would like to think I am. Maybe my 16 year old is showing her mother what it is to be scared but brave. Without fear, there can't be any courage. But often, we don't get beyond the fear. My Kristin is going beyond her fear and learning that there is more to her than she thought. She is learning that the waves aren't as scary and that the thunder is not as loud when you can claim the One who calms the storms. It was hard to hear her struggle with tears when she called today. But I would rather she learn to trust Him at 16 years of age than to be 30 and still not know how to see Him through the storm.

DO YOU REMEMBER?

Every so often, I get to watch my 1yr.old nephew, Mason, for my brother and his wife. Today was such a day. We always have great fun together. I get to relearn how to make all of the funny faces and weird noises (which we should never forget), and he gets to figure out where all of the places are that are not baby proofed (which are more numerous than I ever knew). A good friend of mine called during a quiet moment ( she has 3 kids which include two very active preschool boys), and we were discussing the uncanny abilities of toddlers. I was bemoaning the fact that I still had dishes in the sink, crumbs on the counter, and pajamas along with fuzzy robe still on my body and it was already 8:30 in the morning! That is when I noticed the silence on the other end of the phone. And this was the ensuing conversation. “Janece, are you still there?” Silence, and then, “Shellie, I can’t believe it but you have really forgotten!” she said. What was she talking about? What had I forgotten? “Forgotten what?” I asked. Then my sweet friend, Janece, who I can always count on to tell like it is, did. “You, with your 4 kids, have actually forgotten the world of preschool moms. Don’t you remember what it was like to have a list a mile long only to walk aimlessly in circles with a little one trailing you singing ‘The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round’ at the top of their voice? Don’t you remember never quite finishing anything, because you were never sure you started it in the first place? How could you have forgotten?” Did I really forget? Have I allowed those hard lessons to fade away into the drama of school age children? I do remember having mascara on only one eye! I do remember that spot from baby “goo” on my left shoulder that never quite came clean. And I definitely remember the loneliness of days spent with humans that needed a translator, and I was it! Do you feel alone? Have the ones who should understand, forgotten? I remember so many times feeling that my house would never be clean again, or the laundry would never get done. Would I ever look, feel, or even smell like a woman again. There were days that I swore if someone touched me or pulled at me or called my name one more time, I was going to snatch that very person bald headed! Most of the time, I was just tearing out my own hair! But I also must remember the ice cream kisses and the “You’re the best mommy in the whole world!”cards. I must remember that sticky hand that firmly held mine when we walked into their class on that first day of school. Maybe it was my hand that was firmly holding theirs for fear that they would let go too soon. (Can I tell you that, in my opinion, they did!) How can I forget the rainy days that I actually let them outside to play in the rain and the joy that literally shined from their faces on the cloudiest of days. Talk about His blessings raining down!
Janece was right this morning when she pointed out most sincerely that I had forgotten. The worst thing we can ever do is to forget to remember. We must remember those days of toddlerhood so that we can appreciate the teenage years. We must remember those seemingly endless days of loneliness so that we can be there for a mom who is living our yesterdays. For those of you whose children are older, find a young mother and babysit while she goes to the store alone. Or better yet, pick up her little ones while she stays home and does whatever she wants! For those of you with young children, please don’t ever feel ashamed or defeated because you can’t do it all. God called you to be a mother. Do it well, do it in His strength, because I promise there will come a time when you might just forget. Believe it or not!

In His Grace and Mercy