Mom or Marine Biologist?

Why didn't I decide to become a Marine biologist or a professional whitewater rapids guide? I could have at least considered the field of archeology or even horticulture. What possessed me to think I could ever be qualified to be a mother, much less the mother of teenagers. Nobody told me they turned into teenagers! Shouldn't that be something talked about in premarital counseling when you discuss family stuff? I'm feeling a little desperate here. Anyone have a paper bag? I have to tell you that there is not a compass to be found to help navigate the turbulent waters of hormones or even a decent map to guide you along the uneven terrain of emotions. You think being in the dark, standing on a cliff, or even facing a spider will terrify you? Try walking into a teenagers bedroom unannounced. The smell itself will make you scream like a girl (or a mad momma). Can anyone say "Corn chips"? What made me think I could translate "teen talk" into English? Did you know that dating isn't even a word anymore. It's called "talking". "Hola" means call me later. And "Jola" means whatever. And I can't even get into the whole thing of text messaging. I'm just here to tell you that we have a whole generation of carpal tunnel syndrome just waiting to happen. Did you know that those sweet babies actually grow into these teenagers faster than the speed of light. Or at least faster than I did. Right, Mom? I know that if you are reading this blog right now and you have little ones, you think that I am full of bologna. I remember thinking that it would be easier if they were just a little older. Please forgive me while I hold my sides as I laugh hysterically. Physically easier, yes, emotionally easier , no way!

Thankyou for allowing me to get all of that off my chest. Every so often it's okay to let yourself go a little "Linda Blair" on a subject. But through all of the tearing out the hair stage (mine not theirs, mostly) I'm learning a most amazing thing. I'm learning how God can love us in spite of us. I'm learning that as I try to grow (and mess up considerably) I become even more precious to Him. You see, I am watching my two oldest kids become adults before my very eyes, and they become more precious every day. Teenagers are quite remarkable creatures. They so desperately want their independence, and yet when no one is looking they curl up next to you and share some incredible insights or just silly laughs. Those are precious times that I will hold close to my heart long after they have been blessed with their own homes and families. I guess teenagers aren't as scary as I thought they would be. They are actually quite fun, and terribly witty when the mood strikes. And they do have some moods! You know, now that I think about it, I guess I wasn't called to be a Marine biologist or any of those other things. I was called to be a mom. And in Romans 11:29 it says that God's gift and His call are irrevocable. Sounds like I am in this for the long haul. I would call that blessed.

Excuse me while I go peek in bedrooms one more time before my eyes close in rest. Don't worry, I'll put the trusty noseguard on first (that's a clothespin for all of you novices). Did I mention their feet?

In His Grace and Mercy

Worth

I sit here in my quiet house grateful , but a little lonely. My two oldest kids are at play practice. Kristin (16) and Alex (14) will be performing in "High School Musical" with a local theater. I am so excited for them, but they are gone many nights during the week. My two youngest, Maddy (9) and Chase (8), are outside on this glorious albeit muggy May evening playing with numerous friends, you can be sure. Tough life they have, huh? My husband, Kevin (no age given :), is away on business. Sooo, it's kinda quiet. I don't like it. Not even a little. The quiet is much louder than the noise. The quiet gives my thoughts room to be heard. Isn't that why we stay so busy? So that we don't have to face our thoughts? What are your thoughts? Have you heard them lately? Often my thoughts are full of self recriminations about all the things I should have done or should be doing. I came ear to heart this last weekend. That's kinda like face to face except much more honest. When you come "ear to heart", it means you are listening to what your heart is saying and not what your head is saying. It kinda hurts but it also heals. I've been a stay at home mom since before my oldest was born. That was 17 years ago this next month. What else am I? I don't have a "job", or a portfolio, or a resume, or even a marketable asset. To put it plainly, if I were a house there wouldn't be much equity in me! But I realized in my "ear to heart" epiphany, that my worth is not in who I am, but who He has made me to be. You see, I will always be a mom to my 4 precious kids (whether they claim me or not). I will always be a wife to my sweet Kevin as long as the Lord allows. But my time of hearing the kids run through the house calling my name, asking for something else to eat yet again is quickly drawing to a close. I have more quiet time than noisy time now. I can sit for a length of time and actually not have to get up. I can even take a complete shower without having an indepth conversation with whoever happens to be on the other side of the curtain. I wish somebody would call my name. I would love to sing "Hush Little Baby" to soothe fears one more time. But you see, all of those memories and experiences were gifts. My children were gifts. My husband is a gift, but my Jesus is my worth. I have never received a gift at Christmas or my birthday that determined what my worth was. These gifts from my heavenly Father do not determine my worth to Him. They are just gifts of His love for me. My worth was determined the day He gave me His Son. So for all of you who question whether or not you have any worth, don't look at your circumstances. Look at His ultimate Gift to you and decide if you have worth.

In His Grace and Mercy...

Confession

My sweet baby Chase!

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be able to react correctly every time? Isn't that an odd thought? To know that no matter what came my way, I would be able to react in a righteous way. To react in a way that would honor God every time. Wouldn't that be amazing?! Just recently my youngest child, Chase, who is 8yrs. old, has gone through a period when he felt the need to confess everything from picking his nose to where he was in his thought life regarding "specific" words, and his thoughts concerning me when he was in trouble (I have to tell you, they weren't pretty). I thought we were past this blessed time until he started confessing everything to me again just in the last week. When I say everything, I'm not kidding. My friends, April and Bobby, know to what lengths my Chase will go to clear his conscience. Just tonight, he "confessed" to me that he felt guilty about putting chips on his sandwich at lunch today. You see there is a rule at his school that you can't play with your food. He was afraid that he was breaking that rule. And yet he still chose to do it. I asked him why he feels the need to confess all sin to me, and he said something profound that only a child of 8 could grasp. He said, "It just makes my heart feel better." How many times have I confessed to Jesus areas I thought I had really messed up? How many times was my reason to "make my heart feel better"? Instead, what if I confessed in order to change my heart, not just make it feel better. Would that change lead to different reactions? Would that change allow me to react in a righteous way, when things go wrong? John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." So if we confess, the unrighteousness will be washed away which leaves us with the ability to react in a righteous way. Sounds like grace to me. Maybe that is what I need to tell Chase. Maybe I need to tell him a little more about grace and that it is not just his sister's middle name. Hmm, I guess it just might be possible to react righteously.

In His Grace and Mercy...

Whew!

What a day, week, month. Take your pick. It all seemed to be a grand struggle. Doesn't it seem that when God is blessing so greatly, Satan just has to come up and ruin it. It's like a spoiled kid who can't stand that your sand castle is bigger than his, and he just runs over and knocks it over. Many of you know and some of you don't that we are in the middle of praying through a ministry change. We have seen God's hand move so obviously in the last couple of months. It has truly been one of the most exciting times of my life, and yet so many things have happened to take our focus off of where we need to be. It's all been doable up until Sunday. You know what I mean by "doable".. (in my own power, by myself, without help). Any one of those things will do. I have a great "I can fix it myself" attitude with those lovely doable things in my life. But I really stink at "Lord, please fix it the way you want to" attitude. We were doing what we were supposed to be doing Sunday, We were going to church. We were even sitting in the turning lane to enter the parking lot at church. And then time slowed way down to an almost imperceptible crawl when we saw what was coming. There is something surreal about seeing another car coming straight for you. How do you fix that? How do I put that one in my "doable" file? Not possible. I knew when I heard my husband yell out loud, "STOP!!!" that this one was definitley out of my hands. But for some reason I did not have the clarity of mind to sing out "Jesus take the wheel". All I could do was pray for the next breath. Beg God for the safety of my children who were sitting in the back seats of our minivan. Hope that it would all be over soon. It was. By the time the dust and glass and plastic settled, there were three cars that had to be towed away. Two ambulances, two firetrucks, and three police cars later we were all astounded that no one was even hurt. Sore, but not hurt. Praise His name. It looked like a deadly accident, but by God's grace we all walked away shaky maybe but walking nontheless. I think I have redefined the word "doable" in my vocabulary now. Doable doesn't mean in my own power now. It means that in my own power I will choose to use His power.

In His Grace and Mercy.....

Well, here goes my first attempt at being computer savvy. I have a feeling if I mess it up too bad my sweet friend, Tracie, will fix it. :O) “Blogging” is a new word in my vocabulary now. I have to admit that I am just a tad bit excited about it though. I always get excited about God’s imagination, and I have a feeling that He is going to do something really cool with this!

My family consists of a loving husband and 4 kids and for the last 17 years I have been a stay~at~home mom. This is the obvious about me. I need to tell you, however, who I really am beyond the obvious. I am a woman who has failed many times personally, relationally, and spiritually but I am also a woman who has seen my precious Lord tenderly heal my broken heart. I can tell you that my marriage almost ended 8 years ago, although you definitely would never have known it unless I specifically told you. You see, I was raised in church, I lived by the rules, I loved God, and nothing truly bad should happen if I did those things. Right? I was not about to let anyone see the pain and fear behind my meticulously crafted mask. That is until I realized that the One who could already see past that mask was really the only One I had. There is something quite humbling to know that the Creator of this universe takes the time to meet with and to “fully know me” as often as I will allow Him. It was during this time that I realized that playing Christian and being Christ-like were two very different things. It was then that I realized it was time for me to wake up and take my walk with Christ very seriously, because if I didn’t who would? Who would fight for my marriage if not I? Who would teach my children to fall desperately in love with Him if not me? Who would let this world know that there is a wonderful thing called “living” instead of just existing? The mask is easy, but being real is hard. Existing is easy, living life in Him is hard. But which do you think is priceless? Which do believe is worth every moment?

I had a wonderful thing happen this last weekend. I got to meet women who were as desperate for Jesus to reveal His love for them as I am. I had the great honor of speaking at a conference in Clifton, TN at First Baptist. The only thing I could say about this weekend is that God was absolutely there and He showed Himself to be enough! He was enough to get past some thick walls. He was enough to get beyond limited expectations (especially on my part). He was even enough to cause the tears to fall and hearts to hope one more time. Praise Him that He absolutely can be enough.

Ladies from Clifton, thank you for being so gracious and loving to me even though you didn’t know me. I feel as if God has gifted me with a “big ole” family of sisters. Know that you are blessed to have a Godly woman like Julie to love and lead you, girls! I will be praying that you allow God to keep that flame burning that He so obviously started this weekend. Remember, He is your portion and He is enough!